Chores

I see other mamas everyday talking about how they are stressed or sad. Maybe even unhappy with their life. I get that! I am a mother of two little girls, ages 2 and 5. We live in a very small space, and they have LOTS of toys and things. So, naturally, there is always a mess! To make matters worse, I am constantly looking for my keys or other things because my two year old has decided it is funny to steal things and hide them. Many times she forgets where she puts them. So on top of looking for these items and chasing her around the house, I have other duties. Driving my daughter to and from school, Cooking, laundry, my business, school, trying to maintain relationships, and somewhere in there I need to find time with my kids and myself!

There is no doubt that it is stressful. There are weeks that I will do the laundry, and not fold it, and I am nowhere near ashamed. As soon as I put a load away, another one needs to be washed. It is not always worth my time and energy. The dishes get done, but not always. Whatever is not finished will still be there tomorrow, when I may have time to work on it.

My time is precious, and my kids even more. We spend too much time worrying about things and keeping a perfect house. For me, I choose to focus my energy where I believe it needs to be at that moment. Do not ever feel like you are not enough. Not folding the clothes or not washing the dishes does not make you a bad mom. Hold your head up and be strong. Motherhood is hard, but worth every step.

The question

One of the biggest questions I was ever asked was, “If you keep doing what you are doing, where will you be in five years?” I was silent. Then I felt sadness. If I keep doing what I am doing, I will be exactly where I am. Somewhere I do not want to be. Struggling to get by, wondering when my food stamps will go through. Hoping to be able to give my children a good Easter. Living in an area where I am afraid to be outside after a certain time of day.

I want to feel that my children are safe. I want to take them on vacation. I just want to have freedom. I am getting there. It is taking time, but I will make it happen. In five years, I see us in a different place. Being able to do things without checking my bank account. Not worrying about missing work. Seeing smiles on my kids’ faces all the time.

So where do you see yourself in five years?

You are strong

Today I find myself reflecting on the past and thinking about the future. I am so thankful for so many things, even the things that I thought I would never overcome. I see many women struggling with confidence. Many who feel there is no hope. I was there. I am a survivor of domestic violence. I have been unable to put food on the table for my child. I have been unable to do the simplest tasks such as showering and brushing my teeth, or just stepping out of bed.

It has been a long road to recovery, but I feel like I am finally getting somewhere. I can not thank those enough who have been there to show me that there is hope. I get up every day , not only for myself, but for my children. To see them smile and laugh. To watch them grow.

It was not until recently that I have been able to do something for myself and only myself. I step out of my comfort zone each and everyday, and have grown so much from doing just that. Some days I am still afraid to go out into the world, even to the grocery store. I do it, because my children need me, but if I don’t, I will never grow.

The biggest change I have made is becoming and Arbonne Independent Consultant. I can not express how much this has helped me grow as a person, and as a mother. I hear “no” or “I am not interested” every single day. I get it. I was that person. This company has opened my eyes to so much more than the products. The people I have met are beyond amazing. Some of the strongest women who have endured the hardest battles. They are mothers, daughters, teachers, lawyers and many more! There are also many men in the company making their own amazing journey. I am so thankful for this opportunity and can not wait to see who else I can share it with.

At the end of the day, the little things do matter, and the biggest steps you make can be the most important. Live your life and help others along the way. I believe as a human, this is the only way (for most of us) that will truly feed and satisfy our souls.

It is ok

So until yesterday, I was highly unaware that there was a National Single Parents Day! I mean, August 12th is melon day so why not, right? Being a single parent is something that is very near and dear to my heart. Afterall, I am a single mother. What really struck me lately, is a group I belong to for single mothers. I see a lot of them feeling like there is no hope and like a failure. We all do! Unfortunately, it comes with the territory. Some of us are single by our own choice, while some did not make the choice, like myself. As adults, one of the biggest things we long for is a relationship. Many times, a perfect one. Honestly, I do not think that exists. Every good relationship has its ups and downs. That is how they succeed! For those who have been kicked to the curb and made to fend for themselves, like me, maybe it is better off.

This week has been especially difficult for me. I had just begun recovering from a four day migraine when my oldest said she was not feeling well. She stayed home sick Monday and Wednesday. Her sister has also developed a nasty cough. Needless to say, no sleep for me! I have, again, been single for almost a year now, and since he walked out on us, my girls will not sleep anywhere but my bed. Oh man! Getting slapped and kicked all night, not fun, let alone listening to them cough and sneeze all night! Am I ashamed of this?? Absolutely not. I find that they feel more comfortable. After all, they are only little once, right?

Another topic that hits home is the classic daddy not helping out. I get no child support, he only asks to see them when it is convenient for him, and he is with the girl he left me for, who he has decided, despite my wishes, to have her around my girls. Let me back track for a sec. My oldest is from another relationship, so this makes it that much harder. I knew he was with someone, and one day my girls came home from visiting him and my daughter says, “there was a girl there.” I was livid. Seeing red. My heart sank. I curled up in a ball and cried. I talked to him about it, but he had nothing to say! I later told him that he can see them just the three of them and his response is, ” Well she is going to be there and idk what to tell you. My personally life is none of your business.” Ummm, if it involves my kids, it is every bit of my business. Last week, he saw them and my oldest came home with a French braid in her hair! My heart sank.

I put my heart and sole into my children. I feed them, take them to school, bathe them, buy them necessities instead of myself, stay up late when they are sick, take them to the doctor, take them on trips. Everything. I was doing it all, but lost myself along the way.

I think we get too caught up and forget we are humans too. We have needs. So, last fall I decided to start back at school to study Interior Design. Sure its hard, but it fills in those gaps of watching tv or feeling useless. It is for the kids’ future, but also for me. About a month ago, I also decided to find something I am passionate about, when an opportunity fell in my lap. I was connected to the most amazing community of people and now have the ability to help others. For the longest time I was looking for a way to reach out and help others with anything I could. This was always a challenge for me because I just could not find that certain way to go about it, and now I have!

I guess with all that being said, the only thing you can do is keep going. Some days are going to suck, and some will be wonderful. Never ever forget that there are many others that feel the way you do. Being a single parent does not mean you have failed. You know why? Just look at your kids, and you have your answer. If they have a roof over there head, food in there belly and a smile on their face, you are a success! Just make sure you do something for yourself so you can be the best for them. My new community of support and hope reminds me every day that I am business alone, but I am never alone. Same goes to the single parents, you may be single, but you are not alone.

Here we are

This weekend has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Many triggers have made their way to the surface. Saturday was my sisters bridal shower! This was bittersweet for me because I see her so happy and ready to start this next chapter in her life. Then it reminds me of when I was married, and how horrible it was and me along with it. It completely changed me. Tore me to pieces. The only good thing that came out of that marriage was my oldest daughter. It was also brought to my attention how many others that you think are so strong, are really frail. Filled with anxiety and depression. I know these all too well. However, I recently made a decision that I need to live for my kids. I deserve to be happy again. That is exactly why I chose to do what I am doing now. It is often disheartening to see so many people judge me and knock me down. They assume that I am full of it, or that I just want money. That is not me. I want to help others. To help them find themselves, and bring them back to the person they used to, or want to be. Many think I am a liar or a scammer. The truth is, I am a single mother just trying to help others that just so happens to also bring in an extra income. I do not receive any support. I am doing this on my own. I try to be strong and show my girls to do the same. I will not let these people bring me down, and I trust that those who are willing to listen will come around. Even those who waste my time or call me names, I hope they will find what they are looking for.

Friday the 15th

I don’t know about you, but this has been one of the longest weeks I have experienced in a long time! I feel like everything is out of control. My kids, my house, even time itself. I keep reminding myself that things can only get better. Monday was not so terrible. In fact, it was probably the best day this week. My daughter had a good day at school, and everything else just was. Tuesday and Wednesday were a little different, because she was off school due to no heat. My first thought, “I get to sleep in!” My kids, “Yeah right!” Of course they were up early and ready to play. Wednesday I got some much needed alone time because their dad took them for a few hours. Yeah, just a few hours. Much to my surprise, my whole day was flushed down the drain. As a network marketer, the internet is essential to my business. Facebook and Instagram had different ideas that day. I watched my feeds change as others were able to post, but not me. My frustration grew, but again, I reminded myself that it would be ok. Thursday my daughter was back at school, which meant only my toddler was with me. We hung out like normal, which was nice and peaceful. I was so excited because I had a call with a prospect, and even though she seemed very interested, it was not quite what she was looking for. Of course this brought frustration, but I just have to push forward. Later Thursday night I got a terrible migraine. That brings me to today. Friday the 15th. Still in a little pain and recovering from yesterday, it just seemed like everything was going wrong. Nothing was on time. I kept dropping everything. Frustration took over, but I took another deep breath. I am moving into the weekend with positivity. The day is only as bad as we make it. Things may fall apart. Things may not go our way, but if we do not keep moving, where would we be?

My Journey

My name is Jessica Fields. I am a single mother of two of the funniest, busiest, and smartest little girls. This is my first blog, and I am hoping to share it with the world, more importantly, those who may be going through something that I have. My goal is to help, inspire and educate those who feel lost, or just need a little push.

You may feel lost, but there is always hope
Everyone has their own journey. There will be positives and negatives, but we have to believe that there will always be something good in return.